Heartwood Here I Come

One hour, forty five minutes, two toll booths, one medium Dunkin Donuts coffee with cream and sugar, lunch at KFC.

Heartwood college of Art and I are going to get along just fine. I sat with Berri who is an administrator, Audrey who is the schools right arm, and Susan Wilder the drawing teacher. I brought my selection of works, laid them out in front of these ladies and let them see what I've done. To my astonishment they only saw the beauty in my pieces. Ms Wilder really loved my black ink tree on the watercolored sky. She recognized my love for layering and noticed a textile design and feel in my work. Berri was floored by the complete connectedness of the charcoal sketches of the naked human form. "You made all the right connections!" she said with much suprise. "So many people can't do that." she explained as she pointed to the shadows under the knees and the highlights on the wrist bones. Audrey smiled politely and seemed genuinely delighted with my pieces.

My nervousness disolved. I had expected criticisms and direction and instead received "All you really need is studio time to enhance your skills."

Yes! yes! YES!

I explained to these women my fear of being put into a box, of having to do it this way or that. I've finally busted out of my self imposed cage and I don't want to go back there. No worries!! Ms. Wilder explained the value of learning technique while understanding that you can do it in art school then drop it forever if you want but the skill will be in your back pocket in case of emergency. Phew.

We discussed the campus. Okay, so the campus is one big building. This suits me. I don't need to waste time wandering along big lawns under gargantuan trees looking for my class. And oh, to my delight I didn't see more than ten chairs in any of the classrooms. The college is small and very student oriented. The teacher-student ratio is small. Inside the building is a large communal kitchen/dining room where students and teachers often sit together for meals. I'm told there is some great conversation going on due to the age difference in students. It's 50/50 traditional students to older gen like me. The young ones don't know Evil Knievel or the civil rights movement and it makes for lively discussion.

Bottom line: synchronicity at it's best, the admin recently decided on a new program called BOOMER U. It's designed for non-traditional students who are traveling from afar, like me. Beginning this fall the school will run ten week intensive courses. This means longer sessions (read four hours instead of two) for ten weeks and then no traveling during the holidays or during Maine winter months. We use the off time to stay home and implement what we learned. September-October-November, DONE! Take a break, start again in March. Then during the three month break they will offer some one week long courses for full credit. I'd say by this time next year I'll have completed four courses and will be in the middle of three more.

Admin determined immediately that I am not in need of a degree, unless I really wanted one, and I don't. They said they felt with my age being a factor why bog down with the busy work and book time involved with a degree. Let's just get to the studio time as quickly as possible. What this means is that I'll acquire a certificate in the field of concentration that I choose, in my case-PAINTING. I'll be doing 5 core classes, 8 painting/drawing classes and 6 electives. This tickles my heart because I was near tears choosing between painting and jewelry design and now I'll do both of those and more, including Book Art! ( EEEEEEEEEEKKK!!)

I am full! So full.

I left with my head spinning and my chest vibrating so fast that I thought I'd sprout wings and fly off. This is what Abraham-Hicks means when they discuss our inner-being speaking to us. The inner being is our emotions, our warning signals. When you are attracting what you want in life you feel good, joyful, excited, anything less than wonderful feelings means you are attracting and putting attention to the wrong things. With this pounding heart and full feeling in my chest I knew I was making the right decision.

I am filled to the brim with glee!! I couldn't wait to get home and do a journal page of my naked breasts with my heat chakra glowing and growing within it. This is how I felt as I made the long drive home.

I've found a new path. Heartwood, here I come.

Catching Up & Giving Thanks

I feel I' ve been away for along time. I'd gotten used to writing every day and now it's been five, wow. I did a quick post a few moments ago but wanted to do a bit more. I want to share the love today!

Melba was the lovely lady who suggested I start a blog. I found hers accidentally about a month ago and now here I am. Thank you for opening the door, Melba, because since this venture began I have met some truly terrific people. I am most grateful for the lessons in jewelry making, antiquing, swapping, e-mailing, mixed media collage, friendship, spirituality and SO MUCH MORE. I've interacted withome great Maine girls and feel on the verge of some really tight friendships.

...And in case anyone is intersted this is what I've been up to for five days.

• I went to Rockland over night with Miss Muffet and my sister in law Cindy. We laughed our fool heads off, shopped till we dropped & drank lots of coffee. Great bonding.
• Spent Saturday morning painting. Did my pre-creation ritual, lit a candle, said a prayer and sat down with my acrylics...was really pleased with my "Explosion of Pink" painting of roses.
• Saturday night I hung out at LakeShore with my crew.
• Breakfast buffet at the cafe was crazy busy and I was silly enough to be wearing my favorite pink sweater so I looked great but was sweating from every pore of my body. Not a pretty thing.
• Monday the waitress called out sick and I ended up working the floor. Cook baked a gingerbread with streusel topping and after sampling some I sold all except two pieces of it. I was so proud of myself, he he. Beyond that I had some really neat synchronicities occur and I could feel the presence of Spirit around me, guiding me. It was good.
• Monday night I almost finished prepping for my Wednesday meeting witht the art school people. I just have a little more to do.

*sigh* So that's it. That's what I've been doing. I've been thinking of my bloggy friends, your art, your deep thoughts and feelings and what an amazing community I've found. I am honored to be part of this. Merci.

This Too Shall Pass

I am finished reading The New Earth by Eckartt Tolle. This is a book that can only be read in small chunks as there is much to chew on. It is also a book worth a second read in order to pick up the pieces that you may have missed the first time.

This too shall pass....a phrase we have often heard, but probably not often really delved into with great thought. Mr. Tolle suggests we use these words, this too shall pass, in order to recognize the fleetingness of every situation due to the transience of all forms, good and bad. We do this in order to lessen our attachment to things.

Be it a joyful situation or a truly upsetting moment, this too shall pass. We must recognize the NOW because that's all there is. If I can remember in this moment of pure joy to experience the moment and truly feel it for what it is and then remember to let it go then I hold no expectations of the future. If, when in deep pain, I can remember that this too shall pass, I can feel it, hopefully shake it, and then move on knowing everything is transient. There is only the moment we are in, nothing future, nothing past. Being in the NOW is key.

I wrote the above paragraphs almost four weeks ago. Today it is worth posting because it is where I need to be, it is where I need to bring my head and my heart. The details don't matter and I'm not one to really divulge a lot. It's enough to know I've been hurt and I am hurting. The fingers are pointing, the whispers can be heard for miles, the cluck-clucking of many tongues echo in my head and it weighs me down. Now to put the words into play: THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Soon enough the locals will be chewing on someone else's life and spitting it up. Soon they will all be happy for me and saying "Oh my, she's done well for herself". Soon enough it will all go away...soon enough can't come soon enough sometimes. When did twenty four hours become like an eternity??? ...this too shall pass...this too shall pass...this too shall pass.

Open Letter to Sweetpea

Dear Jes,

I made it to the co-op marketplace before you. I took all the good stuff. The proof is in the pudding!! I took the BEST textiles they had. I got six mustard and white checked fabric napkins all hand embroidered with daisies. I will lay them out the next time I have friends over for coffee. There is a table cover that matches. Woo hoo! Then I found two yards of white and red cotton duck from the forties. I'm going to make myself a full length art apron to wear while painting. Fab, huh Jes? Okay, then there are these great doily like things (I think they are antimacassars) I grabbed three of them for a dollar at the flea market in Union on my way home. And oh, I got a neat old book called Parables of Life that I may read and then use in my work.

Hey, I almost forgot to tell you about the little toy army soldiers for $1 each and the 6" round domed wall hanging of Jesus praying. Great finds, just great.

SO~ don't be upset. I left some stuff at the marketplace like the awesome yellow art deco bedroom set that they had to peel me off from. The nightstand was made to look like a flower, I nearly cried with joy. I also didn't pick up some terrific turquoise jewelry, some block letters for printing and a great no parking sign which I thought would look great hanging in the bathroom next to the toilet. Go get these items if you'd like, I 'll be glad one of us got them.

Thanks for letting me in on your little secret, the marketplace, I mean. Maybe next time we go together?????

** The above post is done in fun. Jes was kind enough to introduce me to a fab antique place here in Maine that I didn't know of...the Rockland Antiques Marketplace. I highly recommend it to everyone who loves a good hunt. Wear sneakers and a sweater the place is big and cold.

Joy In a Cup

Spring has finally sprung for us Mainers. Today it seems the weather will break and we will witness the big golden ball of fire in the sky kindly known to others as the sun. To many Mainers it is this great mystery that occurs once a week amidst great suprise. Jaw agape I stare in awe at the warmth eminating from this big yellow sphere hovering over me. "What is it?" I ask to nobody in particular. I am elbowed in the rib from a passing stranger "It is called the sun."

"The what?!"

"The SUN!"

With that I am startled into reality. The central sun. Heard of it, don't see it much. It doesn't matter, I am happy in Maine no matter what the weather. I pull on my dollar store sunglasses and a SeaDogs ball cap, roll up my long sleeves, dig out my Bass flip flops and a smile. Spring has sprung in Maine.

Last night the joy of the weather report and the delivery of my organic peat pots from the mailman brought squeals of delight to this little girl. I searched out my trays and popsicle sticks and many seed packets and began my annual ritual of planting the seeds. Tears of joy practically pour from me.

I am a seed planting junkie. I typically love antique varieties of flowers and veggies but this year I chose the basics. I am living in a new location where I have no idea what kind of soil I have and beyond that, I'm renting. I can't go dig up the landlords lawn. I will try my hand at container gardening, so I kept it basic. Poppies, pansies, marigolds, balcony tomatoes, Wee-Be-Little pumpkins, peppers, sunflowers (always) , brandywines, and blue lake green beans.. This will be different. No more lemon cucumbers and purple carrots, no fancy stuff this year.

I haven't started my herbs yet, but I will. I have a lot of plotting to do, more planning, more preparation. All of this and the growing season is so short. But ahhhh my heart beats faster just smelling the bag of soil I used. I imagine the seeds pushing up through the darkness reaching to the...reaching for the ... striving to get to see the..(big yellow warm thing in the sky, can't remember it's name)..*sigh*

Young At Heart

Here I am in all my knock-kneed glory. I'm giving you a glimpse of the real me. At 39 1/2 this is the essence of who I am, a 4 1/2 year old blonde haired, blue eyed girl filled with nervous excitement.


Too many people have asked me when I would "just grow up" . You see, to them my laugh out loud wherever I am, challenging my field hockey team to a sprint/race, doodle on the accountants balance sheet, do a cartwheel on my way to the neighbors way of life is startling. "You shouldn't be doing those things at your age", and "Adults don't do that," follow me everywhere.


But what am I to do? I have this deep craving to stay and be young. When I am thinking deeply on this subject this is how I remember me as a child, this picture from my first ever day of Kindergarten.



I was young. Too young for Kindergarten, but my parents were busy and having one more of the three kids under age six out of the house was probably easier, so off I went. The day before school began Memere gifted me with a blue felt school bag with a giraffe on it. Inside held the perfect gift, a fresh, new box of Crayola crayons. How I loved the bag and the crayons, I can still smell both of them. And there I stood on the cement step waiting for the big yellow bus to take me the half mile down the street to the beginning of my school years. I was nervous and excited.



It didn't take long for the teachers to recognize that I was too young for school. I cried daily. I fussed and worried daily. But again, I was young.



It seems I've always been a little too young for whatever my age. Some call it immaturity, some call it innocence, at different times I've been labeled naive, now that I am gaining in age it's young at heart.



Young in spirit with a grown up physical body suits me. I love to wear pig tails, I am comfy in my overalls, and barefoot is always best. Digging my hands in summertime dirt makes me smile, and being the first to jump into the middle of the puddle in the driveway is great fun. Getting on my hands and knees and wrapping my arms around my over-sized pot bellied pig for a big piggy hug warms my heart. You know, I still love to recite Nursery Rhymes and quote Dr. Seuss, Mickey Mouse is my favorite cartoon and why not?


Who says you have to grow up?? I don't want to. I will continue to keep the little girl alive in me always. It is to the worlds benefit that some people keep a child-like enthusiasm about them. I'll be me, you be you and we'll all be fine.




In the summer I drive a 1973 convertible Super Beetle and blast Billy Joel and Elton John while wearing a pink crocheted bowler and a smile. My dear sweet ex-hubby shakes his head and says "Tam, you're a little crazy." And maybe I am.

Getting to Know You...Create a Connection

These kinds of things are great fun so I thought I'd play again.

1. question #255 - If you had to change your first name, what would you choose as your new name? This has long been a quandry for me and how interesting that when I read Tammy Mimms answers she feels the same way about her name. It's not a great name but nothing else fits. I was named for the song "Tammy's In Love", I think Debbie Reynolds sang it. I always say I dare you to find someone born in the mid sixties who wasn't blonde, blue-eyed and named Tammy. Ugh. I really prefer people to call me Tam. When I started telling people that was my preference they actually made fun of me, go figure. So I stopped requesting it for awhile. Now that I've grown into myself I am back at being just Tam and find it remarkably odd when someone very close to me uses Tammy. Its like being pricked with needles.

I always liked Liz. Poppy sounds perky and fun, nice idea Tori. Boy names are good: Jack, Nick, Ron. If I ever figure this one out I'll let you know.

I know someone who named her daughter Sunsearay because that was where the child was concieved, under the SUN, at the SEA, with the RAYs beating on them.

2. question #158 - What is your favorite saying, quote, or expression? I tend to say "Onward & Upward" quite a lot when I am done battling with something. I have quotes & expressions all over the place and would hate to pick just one. A close friend of mine says "Proceed With Vigor" and I like that, but again I collect sayings and don't want to limit this answer. I will say that of late I really find Rumi's words the most thougth provoking.

3. question #49 - If you could buy any rare collection in the world, which would you choose? Why? I would either choose Egyptian artifacts or works by DaVinci.

4. question #1 - If you could fly in a hot-air balloon over any city in the world, what city would you choose? Why that city? Have you visited there before?
First let's just say I will not be flying anywhere in a balloon. BUT, this is hypothetical so I think I'd say I'd go to the Mediterranian area. Not sure why, I've never been there but the idea of seeing their coastal area intrigues me. Okay, not a city, but an area, right?

5. question #221 - What is an item you own that has a minimal monetary value but has such sentimental value that you would not sell it for $5,000? Typical mother, If I lost my kids handmade clay vessels from elementary school I would break down. They are hideously ugly and i love them so much. I have four of them, lopsided, thick in all the wrong areas, too thin in other areas, grotesque colors all melded together for beautiful pieces that I have carefully placed within daily eyeshot. And oh, a beatiful aphghan my great grandmother crocheted before I was even born.

The Cat's Serenade

I can't remembe where I read recently that it's okay to make bad art. Here is an example. ;} I was feeling frustrated with collage because it didn't have enough of me in it. I really love to draw and I have learned to love my loose doodles so I thought I'd try incorporating some doodles into a piece & here is the result.

The prose is from a huge old book of Nursery rhymes that I found while renovating a building. It dates back to the forties. There are hundreds of nursery rhymes in that foolish book. I picked one, cut it out, found my inspiration and began. I drew the tree onto some more music paper using a sharpie. The windy swirlies are chalk and then they are glittered. I chalked the background of the prose, drew in the moon & stars, doodled a cat playing banjo, a little gel medium and VOILA. Art?! I don't love this piece but the more it lays around the house the more I think it isn't as bad as I originally thought. I will keep trying this thing with the rhymes for awhile to see where it goes.

My favorite nursery rhyme in the whole world is Owll & the Pussycat. Some day I will do a mural of that one!

Roast Beast & Number 7

A few commented on the numbers showing up in their lives so I thought I'd offer some more info. The number seven was mentioned so here it is ladies:

7: You're on the right path, keep up the good work.
17: You have good reason to be optimistic about your plans and path, this number is also representative of the holy trinity and the pyramids.

Numbers are powerful! ...the language of the angels. The more you pay attention to them, the more they'll appear. My ones and elevens and one-elevens keep popping up, more today, some yesterday. Never ending. I am manifesting some big stuff, ones confirm it.

I'm keeping my numbers book by the computer in case any of you need to know... ;)

...And the roast beast. YUM. I can't say this word without thinking of the Dr. Seuss story How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I liked the original cartoon, but I LOVE the Jim Carey version. I smile when the story ends with everyone gathered together eating the roast beast. This morning before I left for work I laid a beauty of a cut of meat into a casserole, smothered it with seasonings, water, & mushroom soup, covered it and left. I returned to a warm, mouthwatering, melt in your mouth din-din that I can't wait to serve.

A homemade dinner made with love and good intentions warms the heart as well as filling the stomach. I enjoy cooking and do best with comfort foods. (Me and the fancy-schmancy don't get along.) My dear mom-in-law shares with me her French-Canadian recipes and I do my best to perfect them as she does. Cooking is an art, I've always believed that. My mom-in-law is Renoir reincarnated; I just KNOW IT! I am a fledgling DaVinci on my way to greatness.

...Tis in ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.

Please pass the roast beast.

If Only I Had a Camera!

Straight out of my wallet...

Meet some of the players in the dream I call my life. The beauty on the left commonly known as Miss Muffet is 17 1/2 years old. She is creative & independent & funny as all get out. Due to the fact that she is extremely accident prone she is often seen in a cast or surgical wraps. Last year at prom time her wrist had been operated on for what will be a life long injury. She looks remarkably like me without crows feet.

The handsome fella on the right is Danimal. At least that's what his friends call him. He is 19 years young and full of it (you fill in what IT means to you). He is linear, not so independent & funny as all get out. Dan is currently searching for his place in life and realizing it is a rough road to independence. We celebrate the small steps together, last night it was that he stayed home. He looks remarkably like me without crows feet.

These two I love. I love, I love, I love them. They are nice and they are naughty. They are mean and they are sweet. Dirty socks, lost permission slips, "borrowing" my vehicle and partying too much. They are painfully perfect. We've been to hell & back and I'd go again if they needed me to. These two I love.

*scuse me while I go look at baby pictures*

...art to share later in the week, just thought it was time to introduce the players. More players to come in future weeks.

Frog Dreams

Not the best scan ever, even after playing with the contrast. Oh well! This sketch was done in February. I dreamed I was looking at this frog "hanging" in the water looking back at me. It was so clear and vivid in the morning when I woke. It stayed with me for a few days and I eventually sketched him out.

I dream A LOT! I know there are messages to be had. Sometimes I get it right away, other times I have to look it up in my dream encyclopedia. Always, always, it resonates. I enjoy dream interpretation. This frog was a good omen, or I should say an omen of good things coming my way. Yee ha. Who couldn't use a bit more of that?

Beyond the dreams the numbers are speaking to me, too. One, eleven, and one elven have been constantly showing themselves to me either in my car clock, waking me at the middle of the night, on the computer screen, house location numbers, etc. When I looked it up it seems it's all about watching my thoughts. I am creating my life, keep my thoughts clean, clear and good. Then, last week, the threes started. Now it's three, thirty three and three-three-three everywhere I turn. This morning, 3:00 am on the nose I woke up with a scream. Literally-screaming. Jumped me out of my bed to find Reggie, the puggle, poking his nose in my armpit.

When I inquired with my little book about threes, sure enough, Master teachers surround me, it's a good time to be asking questions. This information is according to the Doreen Virtue numbers book I keep on hand. Beautiful info. What numbers show up for you? And what do they mean?