Friday, March 30, 2007

Coffee Talk, Random Thoughts & Eckart Tolle

Another Friday is here, I've not much to say except random thoughts.

I think the timing of my blogging needs to change. Each morning when I wake I go to the kitchen for delicious hot coffee and sit with my marker(s) and paper and I empty the junque. I now call it "coffee talk". While waking up I breathe in the quiet of the morning, contemplate today and consider tomorrow. I write until my wrist hurts and sometimes my heart. I am alive with ideas to share with the blogging community & I am brimming with information and feelings and wanting and needing to teach. I have sketches to share, drawings to post, color to discuss.
"I will tell them X Y and Z, then the next day I'll share A B C..."

And always, following my rituals, prayer, showering, putting the dog out (and back in), loving up the lump under the bedroom covers known as a teenage boy, pulling a frozen slab of something for dinner later...always by the time I get to the computer I am lost in the day and never get to the heart of the matter. I sit here frozen.

So here's hoping that I find some balance between Coffee Talk writings and typing it on the computer. Today I asked for guidance in this area so that I can share more. I want to be a beacon of light, not easy when you're battling the doldrums, or slow cash flow, or lack of interest. Whatever your battle, we must take action against it and be bold. I suppose that's what I was really asking for, more strength to be bold so that I can experience the grace and magic of my actions.

Quandry #1: Is this really my artist forum or my spiritual forum and what is its purpose. Can it be both? Melba led me to Kiandra who's post really hit my heart and now I have more thinking to do.

Quandry #2: The New Earth by Eckart Tolle really has me thinking. I read it each night before prayers and it talks about EGO a lot. More specifically, it discusses the elimination of it in order to be pure BEING or allowing the BEING to be us. It talks about disassociating ourselves from roles. This really hit home. Particularly he talks about parenting and how often we parent for too long or too hard. If we parent our kids and edge towards "I know more than you or I have more life experience than you therefore you should, yadda yadda..." then we are having a power trip, an ego check is required. Role playing really keeps us stuck in ego and this is something I really want to work on. I have done this role playing with my kids, sad and difficult to say, but true. This isn't to say I did it intentionally, I thought that's what we were supposed to do as parents, but having read this I know now that with my kids as older teens/young adults I need to let go and have a true relationship that is more equal with less of my own opinion interjected. *sigh* so much to think about.

4 comments:

melba said...

Very interesting post!
I still write posts in my head constantly that never come to the screen. I think that is just the way it is with blogging and what shows up is meant to be.

Sometimes I do create a little list in my journal. Especially if it is something i want to link back to a post or site that effected me.

I really like your art.

It is exciting to witness your journey!

XO,
Melba

Jen said...

Checking in on your journey--
I also think this is an interesting post!..

artist forum or spiritual forum?
art is an expression of yourself...it is uniquely you..
you have a desire to create and put it out in the world..sharing a part of yourself...

I think that the feeling of "being alive with ideas to share..." is confirmation that you are doing something that strengthens your spirit...I mean...you are finding joy and want to share it with others...

it's wonderful...whatever you do on your blog...if it is driven by your mind and heart...how can it be wrong : )

I feel like I am "flying by the seat of my pants" with my blog...it's a personal journal...it's a place to {share} my experience and ideas...

I think so many of us...maybe most, if not all, have a desire to share with others... especially if what they have to share is personally meaningful or if it is something being "worked out", as opposed to already figured out..

For me, I like "small talk" as a way to get to know a person more, to interact in a light, friendly way...but it seems I can go without it for awhile and not miss it...but if much time goes by where I feel I am not sharing meaningful things in my life with another and/or not feeling genuine interest from others to know me and share meaningful things in their life with me..then that is when the lonliness creeps in.

Just playing a role of mom or wife or whatever can be filled with routine "small talk" specific to the role...it is the talk between individual human being's which is most gratifying (outside of the roles)...

I like to think about your quandry #2...having a true relationship with kids (or anyone)...with "less of my own opinion interjected" ...

..actually, this is something I have thought about for awhile and have been variably successful with ..better save it for my blog for the sake of space..I love having a blog to go to now to be able to do this ...to follow my thoughts through and on to the next ...

What a great thing that your goal is for you and your son to know each other beyond the labels and the roles....to interact as individuals with opinions that matter.

I would guess that this is most important for a teen...you can get the "biggest bang for your buck" ...because it is in the teen years that there is so much possibility for learning how to think about things, form opinions, be aware of being one's self during a time when acceptance by peers is a really big deal and there is pressure to "grow up" yet there is so much uncertainty.

I think that it's all in the knowing...knowing that mom is interested in my opinion...knowing that mom wants to share what's important to her with me....knowing that we can be different and that we can influence each other by having a relationship where EGO plays no role. Simply(ha!) by acknowledging differences...holding judgement of each others opinions...challenging each other to keep thinking...what a big effect this can have...

We can be ourselves and still learn from each other...not what is "right and wrong" because it is so...but rather we can learn what each of us feels for ourselves. We can learn to be o.k. if our opinions don't match. We can learn to be grateful for the differences.

I feel like a teen right now in a way..(maybe I didn't accomplish all of the goals of that stage)

as I'm trying to find more self-knowledge and purpose and direction beyond any label...what do I want to give to the world of myself and how best to do it?

I love the fact that you shared some of the "Coffee Talk"...
I think I've been having a similar experience to what I hear in your post...

Tammigirl said...

Jen, Thanks for checking in on my journey. My head spins quite a lot about spiritual topics. We, humanity, is changing at a rapid speed right now. People's way of thinking is being altered. We are the masters of our own destiny, right? I want my destiny to be clear, not clouded with guilt or ego, etc. I work on myself constantly and probably if I didn't have to work I would sit in meditation art and prayer endlessly.

I read your blog almost daily and thank you again for reading mine.

Jen said...

Hi!You comment has touched on something that I have had pop up here and there for me...but have not yet focused on deeply...but have expected the need to do that.

I appreciate your comment because it has brought this back up for me..I think a good thing.

Spirit...spirituality

these were not topics of discussion in my family.
Lessons were more from ethics
and the meaning(if there was one) of life was love.
nobody knew for sure what to say about the "big questions"
Not much was thought of organized religion.

purpose of life...well, it just is...be happy, treat people well, figure out what you want to do and would be good at, and love is good.
this is what I took away.

Spirituality as a human experience...my family did not talk about it, let alone talk about it being important.

I felt that there was skepticism about all things spiritual. I felt that it was considered selfish or a bit silly to spend time and energy in spiritual activities, looking inward in that way...

So here I was recently feeling like a flood gate was opened...to my ideas about myself, others, life...things were not quite right and I needed some healing. That much I knew. For me the process has involved looking at my feelings and thoughts and figuring out what I am about...my goals, dreams...

Anyway, into all this...I was thinking about how I wanted to follow my unique path...not to try to fit into another...and I thought how some human beings are innovators, leaders in change and understanding...I thought about elite athletes striving to go further, higher, longer...and then my thoughts that came effortlessly out of this whole thing, surprised me...I pictured an ever expanding universe, I thought.. god?..It was a weird feeling.-- Like I could see a big web of connections and extensions outward, ever expanding and people traveling along them...

Then I thought-- is it all already there to be discovered? is it growing with new creation? people are searching to see (and express?)all parts of it......this was a strange feeling for me, because I started out expecting to be thinking about myself and my dreams ONLY. And I was exausted from that...I thought--oh, no there's that question that was never answered.

I too want my destiny to be clear....to be open to anything as important because it IS ...not because it is important to my "ego"...

don't want guilt, fear, denial or anything to get in the way of this.
an epiphany would be wonderful
but if not that, I am hoping for a gradual clearing...as I identify what's what.

It's hard to think of all this without spirituality entering into it...and my head spins too.(as you can probably see from this post)

So after I read your comment above, I searched for "spiritual awakening" on the net...then my daughter needed attention..this is definately an area I am interested in knowing more about.

In a simple sense, I think people can do the best for the world when they are doing what they love or are driven to do. Or perhaps just as good is feeling comfortable/satisfied with a life that is personally purposeful

....maybe for some people it isn't one thing or one role per se, but maybe it is about expressing one's "soul"...saw some idea (just a glimpse) ...something about the "soul" being encased by the personality and the mind...

master's of our own destiny?

Are we writing the story, or learning the part...either way...we can be active or passive, I think...we can search for the life that brings joy and peace...what will satisfy our own vision?...this is partly where I'm at...figuring out my vision..and figuring out what I need to perhaps "fix" so I can do that..

must we have the vision clearly first or can we take steps in the right direction by taking real steps to be involved in what we VALUE and find JOY in--maybe that can be the vision in of itself ?

Whatever this experience is...spiritual awakening, growth, phenomenon, stage...it is tiring isn't it? It could definately be a full time gig...when I was working outside the home I was not able to get into it at all..though looking back, I wanted to!

I admire you for being able to work and still be doing this.

I follow your blog regularly too : ) thanks for sharing that--

hope this long comment wasn't a drag...sometimes I read a comment and it resonates...it's in the timing and my perceived relevance to my own journey...and I'm off...half way through, I think--I should be blogging this and not making such a long-winded comment.

curious about meditation art...what do you do?
Jen