Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Second Chances and Tax Breaks

*These are my thoughts on second chances after having read the Sunday Scribblings prompt.

Every minute, every second, every tick and every tock of the clock's movement is opportunity for second chance if you are conscious enough to recognize it. Every minute, every NOW is opportunity to straighten my back and try again. To do better. To make right. I'm not really one who looks back. What's done is done. I firmly believe in forward motion, but for the sake of telling the Universe what I'd like help with, some things I'd like a second chance at:

  • ...not yelling at my son just because he yelled at me. Ugly. I need to go forward in peace remembering he's still so naive about life and handling relationships. This is an ongoing process for me.

  • ...a relationship with my Mom regardless of our spiritual or religious beliefs. She was once my best friend and I want to feel that way again.

  • ...to say a heartfelt goodbye to my sweet Memere who was dying of cancer. The sight of my once vibrant grandmother deteriorated to a bag of bones forced me into the hospital bathroom to cry rather than face her with strength and tell her what she meant to me. I kissed her quickly, told her I loved her and scooted from the room. She died a couple of days later. I still wish I hadn't reacted as I did. I wish I'd had the strength.

  • ...mothering. I want to start with these two kids again. I'm older and wiser and so much more patient. I want them to feel my inner peace and grow up at a much slower pace with less "hurry up"s and more "take your time"s.

  • ...living on the farm I love. I divorced and left a land and a lifestyle that fit me like a glove. But love isn't about lifestyle, I don't regret the divorce I just miss the land and my beautiful home.

  • ...marraige. I want a second opportunity to love and be loved, to feel connected in every way, to be supportive and be supported. I want to go back to taking care of someone I care deeply for. I believe strongly in marraige and with all due respect to my former husband, I don't call our marraige a failure. It was wildly successful for many years. In my next marraige I will not allow myself to slip out of love through lazy care of feelings or fear of telling my partner what I need.

Well hmmm. This list seems incomplete somehow, but it is all I can muster for now. I will continue to only look forward and not hang onto coulda/shoulda/woulda. I don't see that that kind of thinking would be helpful. I'm glad to have made this list so that I can now put these things behind me and leave them.

On a lighter note:

  • Two weeks (plus or minus) to take off with Jes for the Wish Studio opening. I'm so excited. I will meet Melba, Leah and a host of others.

  • I've got some great collage pieces going on at my Kitchen Table Studio (potential great blog name, eh?) I will post art pix again soon.

  • Yee ha. I got my letter of acceptance from Heartwood. I'm soooooooo thrilled!

  • Double yee ha. Taxes got done. Yeah, long extension. I'm getting a refund. And you thought the college acceptance thrilled me?????

  • Pumpkins, tomatoes, poppies, alyssum, nasturtiums are thriving in my entry way. I can't wait to put them in the ground.


Jen said...

That is a wonderful list...
I think that your children will see your growing wisdom...
and will be empowered...
you will be real to them...
and a source of strength...
this is big(I think;) and I hope you feel so good about it!

How great that you will be traveling to Wish Studio...and meeting your blogging buddies...

I do like that name (kitchen table studio) for a blog...or a identifier for your art...so much happens at the kitchen table...why not beautiful art!

Jen said...

Oh--just to let you know...
The Four Agreements was a wonderful suggestion for me..I have gotten much from it...thank you!
haven't been disciplined about meditation...but have not let it go...am picturing it as part of my future balanced life...so now I think also that I should look back at your other book suggestion...by Ekhert Tolle (sp?)...

the other book about Intimacy is still on my nightstand.(it's a bit "dry" but good ideas..need to be rested to read)..my husband and I are still working on things...it is work...and I am hoping for more action and less being "acted upon"...it is in the works...I think he is getting this...that step to be active for oneself...it takes awhile...I remember...everything in the works.

Melba said...

Your list really made me pause. I often wonder what it would be like if I had my children younger and at my age focus more on my creativity. I think of you often and wish we lived closer, but I am happy that we will get to see each other soon! Interesting how we are living different lives, but can connect. I am looking forward to learning from you in person.


Tori said...

I just love lists of all sorts.

Great thoughts here.
CONGRATS on the official acceptance letter and tax return-what a rocking day!

That is so great that you are going to meet Melba and Leah...so many inspirations all in one place :)

daisies said...

fabulous list and how wonderful that you are going to Wish Studio Opening with your bloggy buddies ~ so much fun : )