Every minute, every second, every tick and every tock of the clock's movement is opportunity for second chance if you are conscious enough to recognize it. Every minute, every NOW is opportunity to straighten my back and try again. To do better. To make right. I'm not really one who looks back. What's done is done. I firmly believe in forward motion, but for the sake of telling the Universe what I'd like help with, some things I'd like a second chance at:
- ...not yelling at my son just because he yelled at me. Ugly. I need to go forward in peace remembering he's still so naive about life and handling relationships. This is an ongoing process for me.
- ...a relationship with my Mom regardless of our spiritual or religious beliefs. She was once my best friend and I want to feel that way again.
- ...to say a heartfelt goodbye to my sweet Memere who was dying of cancer. The sight of my once vibrant grandmother deteriorated to a bag of bones forced me into the hospital bathroom to cry rather than face her with strength and tell her what she meant to me. I kissed her quickly, told her I loved her and scooted from the room. She died a couple of days later. I still wish I hadn't reacted as I did. I wish I'd had the strength.
- ...mothering. I want to start with these two kids again. I'm older and wiser and so much more patient. I want them to feel my inner peace and grow up at a much slower pace with less "hurry up"s and more "take your time"s.
- ...living on the farm I love. I divorced and left a land and a lifestyle that fit me like a glove. But love isn't about lifestyle, I don't regret the divorce I just miss the land and my beautiful home.
- ...marraige. I want a second opportunity to love and be loved, to feel connected in every way, to be supportive and be supported. I want to go back to taking care of someone I care deeply for. I believe strongly in marraige and with all due respect to my former husband, I don't call our marraige a failure. It was wildly successful for many years. In my next marraige I will not allow myself to slip out of love through lazy care of feelings or fear of telling my partner what I need.
Well hmmm. This list seems incomplete somehow, but it is all I can muster for now. I will continue to only look forward and not hang onto coulda/shoulda/woulda. I don't see that that kind of thinking would be helpful. I'm glad to have made this list so that I can now put these things behind me and leave them.
On a lighter note:
- Two weeks (plus or minus) to take off with Jes for the Wish Studio opening. I'm so excited. I will meet Melba, Leah and a host of others.
- I've got some great collage pieces going on at my Kitchen Table Studio (potential great blog name, eh?) I will post art pix again soon.
- Yee ha. I got my letter of acceptance from Heartwood. I'm soooooooo thrilled!
- Double yee ha. Taxes got done. Yeah, long extension. I'm getting a refund. And you thought the college acceptance thrilled me?????
- Pumpkins, tomatoes, poppies, alyssum, nasturtiums are thriving in my entry way. I can't wait to put them in the ground.