Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
At Wish Studio we're going to rub elbows with Mindy, Leah, Melanie and a host of other indie artists. I am so excited and anxious to meet everyone. I can only imagine how sore my jaw will be for smiling and laughing endlessly. A little wine, good company and a camera makes for a heck of a memory.
Day Two. Hopefully Jes knows some good eateries because I love breakfast. I have been spoiled by my cafe cooks. (If you're ever coming to central Maine stop here: LakeShore Guesthouse and Cafe for good food and comfy rooms all next to a beautiful lake. Anyway, we'll eat and then head back to Wish Studio for the Indie Arts Show. Last week Mindy posted about the artists and I was all pins and needles as I read about all of them.
We're off and running in two days. This is going to be good.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Three days ago I was in a bad place. Emotionally speaking I was a wreck. I came to my blogger dashboard and opened a post I'd written a month ago titled This Too Shall Pass concerning the transience of everything. I added a bit to it, tried hard to breathe in my own type-written lesson, I edited it again and pressed "publish". I logged out of my account and went about my miserable day.
Fast forward into the next day, Wednesday, I think. I look at my blog to see if anyone read my new post. Much to my suprise I discovered the post never went public and not only that- it is no longer anywhere in my dashboard. The whole document has disappeared. Now I can't say that I didn't grumble, I did, but I quickly realized perhaps the Universe just needed me to hear my own message and then *kiss it goodbye*.
My blogging friends you'll never get to know the lesson of This Too Shall Pass unless I end up rewriting it. I'm not going to bore you with what was weighing me down, it is enough to know I was hurting. Chances are good that I'm just going to let that subject be, I will accept the fact that I did what I needed to do by reading its content and learning from my own words.
I believe so strongly in the synchronicity of the Universe I feel my message was intercepted by love and light. Do you believe in SYNCHRONICITY??!
Friday, May 18, 2007
4 jobs I have held: seamstress/dressmaker(self-employed 10 years), shoe department clerk at the local Ames department store, loan department clerk People's Heritage Bank, secretary to the superintendent of schools, Jay School Department, Jay Maine
4 movies I can watch over and over: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (with Jim Carrey), The Wedding Singer (with Adam Sandler), Robin Hood (with Kevin Costner), National Lampoon's Family Vacation (with Chevy Chase)..terrible, I know. I lean toward comedy or complete historical truths. My preference is the comedy.
4 places I have lived: Turkey Lane, Livemore (current), God's Country USA otherwise located in Jay, Maine. A beautiful 300 acre 100 year old farm that I/we had a chunk of where I/we built a gorgeous three bedroom cape house. Picture rolling hills with round hay bales peppering the view. Long Pond camp in Livermore, Maine, and then again, back to Jay, Maine. My final answer is two stays in Jay, Maine and two stays in Livermore, Maine. Maine it is.
4 Catagories of TV programming I enjoy: I don't really like much TV but when I do watch it's generally Sienfeld reruns, American Idol, SportsCenter and some PBS.
4 Places I have been on Holiday: Old Quebec City in Canada, North Conway NH, Camden/Rockport, Maine, and Old Orchard Beach, Maine. I've only recently developed a desire for travel.
4 of my Favorite Dishes: Pizza. Steak. Anything Breakfast. Coffee. (If coffee doesn't qualify as a dish then I'll just stick with three.)
4 websites I visit daily: I'm a simple girl. I read my bloglist daily, google.com A LOT, postsecret weekly, weatherunderground.com daily
4 places I would rather be right now: at the bank making a deposit of half a million dollars into my personal savings account, sucking on a cup of coffee with my gal pals while discussing the roles of spirituality in our lives, creating something with my hands (dinner, art, sewing), or any place quiet where I can have a low key discussion with someone I care about (my kids, a friend, a parent, a store clerk).
Hey, how'd I do? There I am in all my glory. Sometimes these things are hard! I really had to reach on the movie thing and the where I want to be thing. And oh, the website thing. See, I'm really not especially wanting anything more than where I'm at. Sometimes that is good, sometimes it isn't.
Thank you Tori, that was fun. And now I pass the baton to: Jen
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Every minute, every second, every tick and every tock of the clock's movement is opportunity for second chance if you are conscious enough to recognize it. Every minute, every NOW is opportunity to straighten my back and try again. To do better. To make right. I'm not really one who looks back. What's done is done. I firmly believe in forward motion, but for the sake of telling the Universe what I'd like help with, some things I'd like a second chance at:
- ...not yelling at my son just because he yelled at me. Ugly. I need to go forward in peace remembering he's still so naive about life and handling relationships. This is an ongoing process for me.
- ...a relationship with my Mom regardless of our spiritual or religious beliefs. She was once my best friend and I want to feel that way again.
- ...to say a heartfelt goodbye to my sweet Memere who was dying of cancer. The sight of my once vibrant grandmother deteriorated to a bag of bones forced me into the hospital bathroom to cry rather than face her with strength and tell her what she meant to me. I kissed her quickly, told her I loved her and scooted from the room. She died a couple of days later. I still wish I hadn't reacted as I did. I wish I'd had the strength.
- ...mothering. I want to start with these two kids again. I'm older and wiser and so much more patient. I want them to feel my inner peace and grow up at a much slower pace with less "hurry up"s and more "take your time"s.
- ...living on the farm I love. I divorced and left a land and a lifestyle that fit me like a glove. But love isn't about lifestyle, I don't regret the divorce I just miss the land and my beautiful home.
- ...marraige. I want a second opportunity to love and be loved, to feel connected in every way, to be supportive and be supported. I want to go back to taking care of someone I care deeply for. I believe strongly in marraige and with all due respect to my former husband, I don't call our marraige a failure. It was wildly successful for many years. In my next marraige I will not allow myself to slip out of love through lazy care of feelings or fear of telling my partner what I need.
Well hmmm. This list seems incomplete somehow, but it is all I can muster for now. I will continue to only look forward and not hang onto coulda/shoulda/woulda. I don't see that that kind of thinking would be helpful. I'm glad to have made this list so that I can now put these things behind me and leave them.
On a lighter note:
- Two weeks (plus or minus) to take off with Jes for the Wish Studio opening. I'm so excited. I will meet Melba, Leah and a host of others.
- I've got some great collage pieces going on at my Kitchen Table Studio (potential great blog name, eh?) I will post art pix again soon.
- Yee ha. I got my letter of acceptance from Heartwood. I'm soooooooo thrilled!
- Double yee ha. Taxes got done. Yeah, long extension. I'm getting a refund. And you thought the college acceptance thrilled me?????
- Pumpkins, tomatoes, poppies, alyssum, nasturtiums are thriving in my entry way. I can't wait to put them in the ground.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Got home from work at 10-ish, wash dishes, filter through the mail and sort through the various pieces of life items strewn about the house by nineteen year old. I layer on the jammies, wash the day off my face, scrub my pearly whites and hit the hay around 11:30.
All's well except that the nineteen year old isn't home and for some reason it has me uptight. The mother in me tosses and turns and waits to hear from him.
At two thirty he apparently turns into a pumpkin because that is when he knocked on the door to let me know of his arrival. Thirty minutes of lights on, lights off, pots and pans clanging in preparation of his midnight meal, flushing of toilet, making of his bed, and me with eyes rolling open and closed in frustration as I drift in and out of a fog of exhaustion. I assume I fell asleep around three, who knows.
BEEP....BEEP...beep....BEEP...the alarm goes off at 6:03. I roll out of bed and take the two steps I need in order to reach my right arm and hand to the snooze button of my alarm clock. CLICK!
I don't know exactly how but apparently I feel asleep right then and there standing up because what I remember is my forehead slamming against the bedroom wall and momentarily sliding down it while bent over my bedside stand. WHUMP....SLITHER....and I'm now awake and laughing.
I went back to bed with a dull ache in my forehead and a belly full of laughter bubbling up. I slept for forty five more minutes and went about my day.
Later, when retelling the story to a close friend and again to my daughter I cannot even get the words out without tears streaming down my face at how very ridiculous the whole site must have been. I'm one of those laugh so hard that I cry people. It's not a pretty thing mind you, but it happens.
I know that this story doesn't translate well in written form, you probably had to be there, but I still think it was hilarious how tired I could actually be in order to fall asleep standing up. And yes, nineteen year old slept through the whole thing.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
ru~min~ate: to chew one's cud, to think on, meditate
AH HAH! There it is. To think on and meditate, that was the message. See, I have been listening intently to a series of Abraham-Hicks CD's on a variety of topics. These messages resonate so deeply in me that my crown and my chest literally vibrate faster as I listen. The top of my head tingles to the point that I eventually have to scratch the area. The significance of the communications that Abraham offers in my life is immeasurable. As I integrate the lessons I feel my spirit self growing and it pleases me to no end, even if no one elses notices. My thinking is changing. My attitude is changing. Ultimately, my life is changing, and there is more...
Part two to this puzzle of the word ruminate is this. (By the way, ruminations is NOT a word, apparently I made it up!) Last night before sleeping I was reading The Call by Oriah Mountain Dreamer and in this chapter about sometimes "falling off the spiritual wagon" she was berating herself for not being a perfect Being, she was listening to some music and a reading of a poem by Hafiz, the fourteenth century philospher. This poem hit my heart like no other. It sent me flying in a new direction. Read it and weep (or not), but please read it.
not danced so badly, my dear,
trying to hold hands with the Beautiful One.
You have waltzed with great style my sweet, crushed angel
to have even neared God’s heart at all.
Our Partner is notoriously hard to follow and
even his best musicians are not always easy to hear.
So what, if the music has stopped for awhile.
So what, if the price of admission to the Divine is
out of reach tonight.
So what my sweetheart, if you lack the ante to
gamble for real love.
The mind and the body are famous for holding the heart ransom,
but Hafiz knows the Beloved’s eternal habits.
for He will not be able to resist your longings
and charms for long.
You have not danced so badly, my dear,
trying to kiss the Magnificent
You have actually waltzed with tremendous style,
my sweet, O my sweet,
The picture I did is in marker, colored pencil and chalk. I did it after yet another reading of this beautiful poem that allows me to falter. I feel release. I can forget to center myself, fall asleep before my prayers are complete, I can mistakenly curse when I know I shouldn't, He is smiling at me, watching my little girl dance steps and He says "It's okay kid, you're doing alright."
I feel sooooo much better.
TAM'S HOMEWORK: find more Hafiz and check out Rumi
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Phew. Today I am ready to pause. It's my third day on the floor of the dining room waiting tables. I'm now behind on paperwork, housework and artwork. I glanced around my desk space and this saying on a handwritten sticky note that hangs over my desk caught my eye and made me remember...breathe. Slow down. Pause.
Catch you when I can, I have to find out today's lunch specials.